UCL Conservative Society

Every Conservative football fan takes relish in retelling the urban legend relating to Tony Blair’s football youth: how Tony proudly boasted on local radio that he had spent his teenage years watching the great Jackie Milburn from the Gallowgate End of St James’ Park.  However, ‘Wor Jackie’ had retired when Blair was four, and, as with so many of Blair’s statements, it turned out to be somewhat less than a half-truth, concocted to ingratiate himself with whatever sectional interest might be listening.

Gordon Brown has just as inauspicious a record when it comes to playing politics with football.  Having claimed that Paul Gascoigne’s Euro ‘96 wonder-goal against Scotland was his favourite footballing moment, he has just committed another Anglo-Scottish footballing faux pas.  In this case, he’s nailed his colours to the majority’s mast by stating that he wants England to win the 2018 World Cup, even ahead of his native Scotland.  He has since amended this statement, claiming that his declaration for England is merely recognition that they have a greater chance of victory.  Nonetheless, it has still riled a lot of moderate Scots in the build-up to the crucial Scottish Parliament election in May, widely seen as a referendum on the Union.

The problem is that politicians, whether Scottish or English, in government or in opposition, have to toe a political line that simply makes no sense in the present sporting arena.  Many Scots bemoaned the feting of the England rugby team after their victory in the 2003 World Cup, a fate only avoided by the England and Wales cricket team after the 2005 Ashes as a result of Scottish cricketing ineptitude.  In our most popular sports, there is no outlet for united national support.  More serious than the impact upon opportunist politicians is the impact upon separatism sentiment; each Calcutta Cup match is marked by an upsurge in Scottish nationalism, as are the clashes between British teams in both international and club football.  It also leaves us mongrel Britons, with ancestry divided equally between the Home Nations and loyalty afforded to none of them, with no option but to opt for the sporting equivalent of ‘None of the Above’.

To prevent secessionist disintegration of our country, the British government has long poured money into the ‘Celtic Fringe’, hoping that they would accept what amounts to little more than a bribe.  However, without attacking the root causes of nationalism, primarily the false belief that it’s a zero-sum game between the Scots and the English, no good can be done in the long term through bribery.  What must be done is to create a united patriotic cause, focused, as most countries’ patriotism is, around sport.  The first step is to make that stitch in time, by preserving the British rugby league team.  Another proposal, which is likely to have the unconditional support of Gordon Brown, is a UK national football team.  The result will be a stronger Union, and, hopefully, a team strong enough to achieve Gordonball’s ambitions of his home country lifting the World Cup in 2018.

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